and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
