Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
