my phone needs a breathalizer
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
