mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
