I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
