P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
