It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
