why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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