Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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