she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
