i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
