Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
