okay pat passed out under dana's car
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
