I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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