if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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