i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
