There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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