after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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