That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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