I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
