Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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