its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
