she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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