doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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