**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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