You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
