i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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