Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
