thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
