She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
