You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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