it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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