She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
