At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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