dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
