i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
