So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
