I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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