oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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