Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
