My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
