I just saw a hot homeless man
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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