your thong is hanging out like whoa
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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