it hurts more in the daytime
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize