apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
