Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
