I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
