found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
