My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
