they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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