Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
