Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
