I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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