yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
