do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
