I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
this beer tastes like vomit already
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
