i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
