For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
