im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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