We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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