It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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