Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize