its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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