I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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