i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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