isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
