I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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