Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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