Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
