Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
