Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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