Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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