Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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