ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
