How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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