Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize