at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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