soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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