Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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