Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
