Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
