Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize