Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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