I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
