Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
