Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
